Bill: “[Gellar]’s insane. She’s a mad dictator. She’s the kind they don’t just wanna kill, she’s the kind they wanna drag out onto the street and hang on a lamppost for one and a half month.”
Rory: “Let’s just get this paper out. Where’s Sheila?”
Bill: “Sick.”
Rory: “What about Joanie?”
Bill: “Sick.”
Rory: “There’s an awful amount of sickness going on around here lately.”
Bill: “Yes, certainly is. And there’s probably going to be a lot more. Very soon.”
Bill [on the phone]: “Michelle? Yeah it’s Bill. I just talked to paris and you know what that means. Easy! Just the messenger!”


Rory: “Did you get my article?”
Bill: “Yep.”
Rory: “Well nobody called me in for the final edit and I need to finish it now, I have a date tonight. So who’s the copy editor of my piece?”
Bill: “That would be Michael.”
Rory: “Well where is Michael? And everyone else?”
Bill: “Well, let’s see: the Sports Department, City Department, Entertainment Department and Feature Department – other than you – have quit. Michael quit; Sylvia quit; Joanie quit; Sheila’s sick tonight, but as soon as she’s better, she’s gonna quit.”
Rory: “Great!”
Bill: “Oh not done. The senior editor quit, the entire copy department quit, the little fellow who brought around sandwiches in the basket quit…”
Rory: “Ok, fine, I get it: everyone quit.”
Bill: “Not everyone. But it was quite next to this. Very biblical.”
Rory: “Whatever, we’ll figure that out later, right now, I need to finish my article. I guess you and I could do it together.”
Bill: “We could… But I quit too.”
Rory: “What?!”
Bill: “Right after Joanie I bowed out. I actually bowed. Physically bowed.”
Rory: “Well if you quit then what are you doing here?”
Bill: “Are you kidding? I’m going to have a ringside seat for the event of the century: tonight will be the first time ever in the history of the Yale Daily News that the paper does not come out. D-Day: the paper came out, Kennedy got shot: the paper came out, but three months of the Gellar reign of terror and the whole damn institution comes crumbling down.”
Rory: “You suck Bill.”