sick (mind)

The letters on the keyboard are dancing. Everything turns so fast. Too fast to get a short glimpse at it. The remote control is laughing at me every time I try to take it. The television’s been showing the same program for hours. No use in zapping. It’s the same on every channel.

My buddy-list only shows offline friends. They wouldn’t talk to me anyway. Or I wouldn’t talk to them. My thoughts are too confused, confusing, too obsessed with you.

No one calls me. I’m sitting here. Fighting to keep that little bit of will to live up. No one helps me. Who could see I’m waging war against hopelessness? Who could see I’ve already lost everything? Nothing was so worth fighting for but you. If I still had your number I would call you. Talk with you. A light-minded chat. With the only person I ever cared about. You wouldn’t listen. Just like all the others that left me when I needed them the most.

The letters are dancing. They drive me crazy. Feverish shivering. Boiling hot coffee. It doesn’t help. The world won’t stop turning. Not when someone suffers, not when someone is lucky. Not when you cry. It didn’t even stop the day you lost your wings.
The fragrance of chrysanthemum. Hope. It fades with every air molecul that leaves my lungs. The last memories I have of you. The first time I saw you. The first time you smiled at me. The first time we held each other close. All those days we walked home together. And far away.

But now. Where are you? You’ve been missing for weeks. You went home. Daddy’s little girl. It’s been such a long time. Where is home? Is it still somewhere near? Miles away? At the other end of the world? Where is the family that would never accept their accomplice? I burned your wings.

The world is empty. Yet it doesn’t stand still. I do. If only some more did. Maybe we could prevent the world from turning. Only for a few seconds. And hold our memories an eternal moment longer. And forget the everlasting torment.

The letters are dancing. But here, look. Some of them stand still. The centre of the world. I will never find it again. You will never lead me.

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  1. […] (note: people not having read this blog from the very beginning might want to read this entry first) […]

  2. […] (You may want to read part 1 and part 2 first). […]

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